The Girl Behind the Mask Ego and Higherself

 

 

The girl behind the mask.

 

We all have that inner voice; you know that voice I’m talking about.

That smirky comment we say to ourselves when someone annoys us.

The cheerleader willing us on, telling us to keep going, the inner critic telling us we can’t do that and how dare we try.

The voice that allows us to read to ourselves, kind of like what you’re doing now, reading this!

Pretty incredible if you ask me.

 

These voices are like our very own devil and angel sitting on our shoulders whispering in our ears.

You see, they both have names.

The real you AKA your highest self (angel) and your ego (kinda like the devil but not)

 

Which pretends to be you, but really isn’t, some people spend their entire life living in their ego and have no idea.

Sounds a bit crazy right. But let me explain further,

Once I embarked upon this journey over 1.5years ago I was asked a question that changed my life.

 

“Who really are you? Behind all the front(mouth), the sharing (posting) and all this material stuff, who are you?”

 

Straight away I found myself defensive. I started to explain annoyed, being questioned provoked a trigger in me, like there is a right or wrong answer. I immediately felt like a small child seeking approval.

 

“Well I’m a mother, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter an excellent friend, I pride myself on how much I

give to people. Any time anyone needs me, I’m there, I’m a giver as they say.” I smile at him.

 

This person stares at me blankly. I continued speaking confused by his face, “My husband and I have worked extremely hard to get here, I’m so proud of him.”

 

That is not what I asked you he said,

“That is what you do, being a mother, you love unconditionally, your family are apart of your journey, and your friends help to map out the paths along the way. Some will stay with you for a lifetime, some will be for a season and some will teach you valuable lesson.

 

The designer clothes you wear represent what you like, but they don’t represent who you really are.

 

“You post your life, share it like it’s a story, for everyone to see, is there more to this?” I looked at him with confusion again, getting red in the cheeks and annoyed.

 

He asks me a few more questions,

 

“Do you like giving all the time, I hear you don’t have a moment to yourself, do you say yes when you want to scream no?”

 

“Do you ever feel drained, tired, depressed and anxious?

 

“Have you ever thought or considered your giving away your power, numbing yourself for others to make them happy.?”

 

“What advice would you give your 11-year-old self now? What things do you wish she could know?

 

With tears in my eyes I look up at him.

 

I will ask you again he said,

 

“Who really are you? I want to know the girl behind the mask.”

 

Well I cried and cried for I had forgotten that little girl.

The one with magic in her eyes and glitter in her hands.

She had dreams, goals and aspirations she wanted to achieve but for herself, things she daren’t say, aloud because how dare she want more…. How dare she dream.

 

There was more to her, than she remembered.

 

She loves being a mother it made her a better person. Learning more patience, its taught her things about herself she didn’t know existed.

She understands now, she was given the gift of two SEN children for a reason.

 

 

REMEMBERING

 

For the girl viewed on the outside as having it all, was miserable with her surroundings.

Because in reality, internally she was a mess.

 

This was the moment she broke into a million pieces and lost her way.

 

This also applies for those struck by grief, trauma, addiction and depression.

 

Who were you before this happened to you?

 

We are all shaped and moulded throughout our lives by experiences that happen to us. Some of us are born into some pretty shitty situations.

Childhood traumas, addiction, violence all change and mould us in different ways.

We take onboard our parents views, our friends views and use those opinions to form what we think is right and wrong.

 

BUT IS THERE REALLY A RIGHT OR WRONG?

WHO DECIDED THAT ANYWAY?

 

Many of us have faced trauma throughout our lives we bury, we don’t speak about it.

The problem with spending so much time on your own is your inner voices have time to speak to you properly. There is also more time for them to speak louder too!

The noises can be FAR too much at times.

We can’t run, we can’t hide.

We have two options we either listen and surrender,

or we ignore them and continue to drown them out, drinking, smoking, addictions, eating, starving ect.

When we ignore them, they start to manifest in our bodies presenting as problems, stomach issues, headaches, throat issues, self-loathing, hatred for ourselves and others.

Emotional baggage is a real thing. We carry it around like a weighted backpack invisible to the naked eye.

 

How do we deal with all of this?

 

What works for one person will not for another, all our demons are different.

I read in an incredible book called “light is the new black” by Rebecca Campbell when I became upon this journey to find more about the girl behind the mask,

I read a passage similar to this in her book, but I’ve adapted and changed it to my own wording, some of you will LOVE the below, as much as I did

Some of you will find this patronising that’s ok too.

You see, when we are struggling, deep in the darkness and gasping for air, anxiety and depression taking over us.

We need those moments, in fact I hope they happen for you.

Not what you thought I was going to say, but here me out, before you close this blog down, here me out.

 

I HOPE you feel alone and the fear takes over your body.

 

I HOPE you want to cry scream, get angry let out all your bottled-up emotions.

 

I HOPE you hit rock bottom, where you feel like you can’t see the light.

 

I HOPE you let out your emotions out and begin to feel the mask slipping away

 

I HOPE you surrender to the parts of you that need healing and recognise you can change your path.

 

I PRAY whilst wiping away your tears, deep in thought of all your past mistakes, you realise who is sitting with you.

 

YOU, ITS ALWAYS BEEN YOU…….

 

I HOPE you listen to your intuition, and hear your guidance, your higher self-calling you back.

 

I PRAY you realise the light and happiness you desperately want and seek is within you.

 

I PRAY you forgive yourself and your honest with how you feel.

 

For when you do, you shall see that inner light shining a pathway back to you.

It shall present you with a choice, REMAIN OR EVOLVE.

 

We have choices, that our voices help us determine.

I believe, life is more about getting it wrong, than getting it right.

 

Negative emotions are not to be feared. They are very much needed.

Because in those deep dark moments when you think you can’t carry on, hope arrives and reminds us of possibilities.

 

WE FALL, WE BREAK, WE HIT ROCK BOTTOM, WE LEARN, WE RISE, WE CHANGE, WE GROW.

Life is a sequence of events, cycles presented to you over and over.

Ever thought to yourself why do I keep attracting the same type of men, who are abusive and narcissistic?

Until we understand, why we are attracted to those type of men, it’s hard to break the toxic cycle.

 

Do you lack setting boundaries and self-confidence?

Something many of us all suffer from, where does that come from?

These types of honest questions help us to understand ourselves better.

Blame helps no-one involved. Reasonability and accountability for our own actions do.

 

When I started this journey, I read Fern Cotton HAPPY, CALM, QUIET.

My anxiety was unbearable, my hair was falling out due to stress, I was convinced my gums were melting. I know crazy right?

Addicted to learning more and more, I read more and more.

Each book describing and telling me similar things I had no clue existed.

I thought I’d share with you my some of my findings,

These two in particular helped me to identify what work I needed to do.

EGO _

Our ego is full of limiting beliefs, its an identity we have created which is false. A mask we hold. It is driven by fear and makes the view before our eyes misty and foggy giving us a clouded judgment and a one-way perspective.

Its stops us from seeing the beauty around us, in all its glory.

Ego only sees “you against them.” That voice that tells you self-loathing things.

It’s the judge, the victim of life and your inner critic.

It fears everyone is out to get them, the world is unfair to them, their life is harder than anyone else’s, the ego loves it when you agree too. Keeps you in caged in this fear like bubble.

 

Right now, a lot of people’s egos reading this, are going to want to jump on me and shout HOW DARE YOU! Don’t shoot the messenger, have a research for yourself 😊

It’s the bully who believes their opinion is the only correct way, with no room for perspective of others.

Before you think WOW how do I get this crazy ego out of my head. It has a very important job

Your ego serves you a purpose, I know it sounds crazy after all the above things I’ve just said.

It is our protection; we need it, it helps to plan for success, but also failure too. It gives us a sense of uniqueness and individuality, without it, we would have no ability to experience the world of duality.

It is our very own live story teller, running through our minds constantly processing information.

Its purpose is to give us opportunities, we can either be drawn in by love or fear.

Ego is completely necessary in who we are, understanding it is there for a reason, helps to identify are you acting too much from your ego?

Once you hit your ego head on, guess what? It loses its power over you. Stops you from seeing things in just a one-way perspective.

Being honest with yourself is tough, its easy to blame others. But taking responsibility on your part to play in any situations, helps you to see clearer.

HIGHERSELF

Sounds a little weird and oddly very egoistic doesn’t it?

But your higher self is your soul, your beautiful inner light.

We speak of mind, body and spirit. Yet everyone freaks out when you speak about the spirit part. Like your nuts and lost it.

“Keep your spirit up.” They say “Feed your soul.” All expressions you would have heard of? It must come from, somewhere right?

It’s your knowledge, intuition and guidance from within, we all have it, every single one of us.

 

That gut feeling, we get, our gut is like our second brain. It communicates faster than, our brain has even had time to register what’s going on.

We have all experienced a moment in our lives, our guts have told us something. A feeling good/bad about someone, a situation you just knew wasn’t right, someone lying to you.

 

They speak the right words, but their energy tells you otherwise, this is your intuition guiding you, something some of us ignore terribly.

 

We ignore these signs, because we love people in our lives, that deep down we know don’t have our best interest at heart. We don’t want to hurt or lose anyone. These people can even be parents, family and friends.

 

We damage ourselves in the process, sometimes holding on is more damaging that letting go.

 

We fear letting go because our ego creeps in and tells us. “What if your all alone.” “Who will want me?” “I just want approval and to be liked.”

 

But if we listen to our intuition and follow our gut your higher self has no cruelty in it, it wants everyone to win, everyone to be happy.

No seriously…..it is real, no jealously, hate and bitterness.

 

It is a part of your soul that is connected to divine/universal energy/god/buddha which ever you shall believe.

It’s the part that excites you with inspiration, guides you with intuition, and teaches you through insight.

For it understands that living a life through love, brings unlimited amounts of happiness.

 

That love I’m talking about is for you.

Your partner doesn’t make you happy, YOU DO.

Putting your happiness in someone else’s hands will leave you getting burnt.

 

It’s about understanding and seeing life from all different perspectives.

 

“The ego trusts we are separate and go through life alone. The soul trusts that we are all connected and thus never really alone. The universe trusts that the ego will get lonely and listen to the soul eventually and come home.”

 

SHE REMEMBERED WHO SHE WAS

 

The girl behind the mask finally realised, who she really was a journey it took 1.5 years to find her. She was a Healer (giver) she loved writing (posting) sharing her experiences.

Her nan a beautiful soul, with stories about her life that would make you shudder and have nightmares.

She didn’t have a great education, that was taken from her, came from a very poor upbringing.

But is one of the most genuine kind people you will ever know, with so much love to give.

A heart so pure you, it takes your breath away, that someone can be that giving.

Judging someone on their background, education and life is a reflection of your own ego.

You’re upbringing, doesn’t put you in a box, and equally it doesn’t put you above anyone.

 

Your own beliefs do that.

You have choices to make…..who you will become.

She could have become bitter, nasty, resentful and a victim to life.

But she chooses to give love instead of anger.

 

The girl behind the mask found the magic she was missing.

She had been holding it the whole time.

 

She grabbed that glitter and starting throwing it around everywhere, smiling without a care in the word. For she was truly at peace.

She had faced her MANY demons, she understands now, you don’t need approval from people.

As some people will never like you. For your spirit irritates their demons.